I will no longer be using tumblr, ever again.
I generally hide this but I honestly do not care anymore.
I am going to start at the beginning.
My name is Jessica, I was born on the 1st of November 1995, I have Blue eyes, Red hair and nearly my whole life I have been verbally abused by my father.
I say nearly because I personally cannot remember much before the age of four, I do remember being 4 though, my father turning his back on me and walking out the front door. I remember him blaming me, his 4 year old daughter for him and my mother splitting up. I remember him taking it out on me for him and my mother splitting up.
They weren’t separated for too long, by the age of 5 they were back together except it was never the same.
My father wanted a boy, instead he got me, so he forced me to like cars, motorbikes and sports. I was made to ride a motorbike at a young age, to be honest I did quite like riding except I didn’t like the fact that he constantly screamed at me when I would do something wrong. I was sick of it by the age of 6 but I continued till my brother was born, I was 8 when that happened.
From the age of 8 on wards, I was ignored by my father unless he was screaming at me because I had done something wrong.
I didn’t understand then that this was considered a form of abuse, I know it is no where near as bad as it could have been but as a result I grew up with extreme low self esteem. For many years, I had little if any friends, I got picked on because I was a ginger and too shy to make friends. I got told by my father that I was fat/putting on a lot of weight, since then my weight has never exceeded 45kg/99lbs and I am now 17. I started wearing make up and experimenting with hair styles young because he made me feel ugly.
By the age of 12 I was severely unhappy with my life.
That year, my family traveled overseas to Thailand, where my Uncle and Father both told me too my face that I was a “slut”. I had only just had my first kiss at this point and it wasn’t a proper kiss, just a peck on the lips, but because my boyfriend at the time had to stay over because he lived so far away, I was considered a “slut”. I tried to take my life 3 times that year. Once because of a traumatic event that had occurred in my life and the two others because I could no longer stand the constant derogatory verbal abuse that my father gave me.
Obviously the attempts were unsuccessful and in all honesty, it only made me sadder. I couldn’t find happiness in anything and then, it got worse. One night my dad was drinking and started an argument with me, I was an idiot and refused. He then forced me into a corner, where I started cowering and crying, ready to punch me repeatedly. My mother came down to see what was going on, saw him looming over me and pretty much threw him into a wall. We then called the police but the charges were dropped.
I was terrified of my father. I could not longer even look at him, whenever I was home from the age of 12 to the age of 15 I locked myself in my room. I refused to spend time with my family because I could not stand to be in the same room as my father, as a result of this he started to verbally abuse my mum and whenever he could, tried to physically abuse her. He has threatened both mine and mothers lives on numerous occasions.
In December of 2011, the police were called again and an intervention order was placed on him. As usual, he blamed me for the whole thing. We moved out and lived with my aunt for four months until we found a house. My younger brother would see our father weekly because he missed him whereas I went only when I had too, he still terrified me. Somehow he managed to convince my mother to get the intervention order lifted.
My parents did not get back together after this though and due to some horrible circumstances, my mother fell pregnant to a person that to this day she still does not know. I now have another beautiful baby brother, he is truly a miracle. However as a result of my mother falling pregnant, my father became psychotic.
He stalked my mothers every move, he harassed my whole family, he broke into our house and stole property 3 times. Eventually we had to cut all contact with him and anyone who had contact with him and move to a location he still doesn’t know.
However he somehow found my tumblr, I receive harassment nearly everyday from him. He is ruining my life and has threatened my whole families life, including my own; because of this I know have to see a counselor.
All of this was my fathers fault.
I lost a person important too me a little while ago and it broke me, as a result my father made fun of it. He laughed at it and didn’t care, he antagonized me and tried to hurt me. Today I broke down because it all added up and he threatened my mothers life as a result.
I know he will see this, so father read this very fucking carefully.
You are the reason I am miserable, you are the reason I cry myself to sleep every night. don’t you ever threaten anyone in my families life ever again.